FIND MORE MARIJUANA COVERAGE AT WESTWORD.COM/MARIJUANA MARIJUANA S T RAIN GANG Cake Mix is a recipe for fl oating through the day. Cooked BY HERBERT FUEGO We’ve almost hit the end of the line for “Cake” cannabis strains, thank God, and one of the best was saved for last. Growers have been able to mimic aromatic slivers of the sweet, doughy fumes wafting out of Betty Crocker bags for a decade, but never named a strain “Cake Mix” until the concept was well beyond overkill. Several popular Colorado cannabis brands have bought in now, however, and it’s time to see if the strain lives up to the moniker. At minimum, Cake Mix is a fourth-gen- eration Cookies strain. The strain’s parents, London Pound Cake and Wedding Cake, were both children or grandchildren of Girl Scout Cookies, so Cake Mix fi ts the modern archetype of dense, sugar-coated buds and occasional bright colors. I had lukewarm expectations for Cake Mix’s fl avor and ef- fects, as Pound Cake has an earthier fl avor profi le than advertised and Wedding Cake is a stud for potency and trichome production among breeders, and was skeptical about the high before my fi rst try. Friends said Cake Mix felt like a brain blender with too much energy, while online reports included early bedtimes owing to Cake Mix’s potency, so I did what any experi- enced pothead does after buying something with mixed reviews: I created a safe space and hoped for the best. Food was in the mi- crowave and the movie was on pause during my fi rst hit, yet I attended to neither for the next 45 minutes. Sitting down was unfeasible for over an hour. The high, an energetic and intensifi ed 36 blur, wasn’t my favorite, providing few outlets other than mindless cleaning and exercise. Although I can’t deny that Cake Mix’s aroma — earthy and Kush-heavy, but with a noticeable layer of lemon syrup and vanilla — had batter-like qualities, there are hundreds of better-tasting strains to smoke during the daytime, making me wonder if Cake Mix is simply a high yielder coveted by commercial growers. It wouldn’t be the fi rst or last in the cannabis world, but at least my kitchen is spotless. Looks: Speckled with violet spots, bright- orange pistils and a heavy coat of trichomes, Cake Mix’s wintergreen buds have a sugary appeal. The bud structure — tall, dense and segmented — is uncommon but not that rare. Smell: Tangy, sweet and doughy off the top, Cake Mix fools my nose into focusing on the vanilla and lemon-bar aspects of the aroma before realizing that skunky fumes are fi lling the room around me. Those dank qualities end up taking over the smell, which has a surprising hint of pepper on the end. Flavor: Cake Mix’s fl avor is more sour and spicy than I’d hoped, but the lemon taste does have a sweet side and fl oral back end to provide a little balance. Effects: Cake Mix’s high reminds me of an old-school “sativa” high before we knew the term was mostly bullshit. My head is in the clouds for hours, my tongue is dry no matter how much water I drink, and the high promptly drops from apex to grave pit. Where to fi nd it: A Cut Above, Affi nity, As- cend Cannabis Co., Best Colorado Cannabis, Bonfi re Cannabis, Colorado Harvest Com- pany, Cookies, Del Mundo Cannabis, Em- erald Fields, Golden Meds, Green Dragon, the Green Solution, the Herbal Cure, Lake- shore Cannabis, Lemmonade, Life Flower Dispensary, Magnolia Road, Native Roots, Oasis Cannabis Superstores, Potco, Rocky Mountain Cannabis, Silver Stem, Simply Pure, Top Shelf, Twin Peaks Dispensary, Unity Road, Wolf Pac Cannabis and Xclusive Cannabis have all carried Cake Mix recently, but other stores probably do, too. Cookies, Cherry, Willie’s Reserve and Loudbird all have versions of Cake Mix in dispensaries right now, while Ascend Can- nabis Co., Harmony Extracts and Olio extract the strain, as well. As for fl ower, Cherry’s take is my preferred of the bunch, but the red-eyed high might last hours longer than you planned for. Is there a strain you’d like to see profi led? Email [email protected]. OCTOBER 6-12, 2022 WESTWORD | REAL ESTATE | RENTALS | HEALTH WELLNESS | SERVICES | EMPLOYMENT | ADULT | MUSIC | CLASSIFIED | westword.com HERBERT FUEGO
