10 MAY 30-JUNE 5, 2024 westword.com WESTWORD | MUSIC | CAFE | CULTURE | NIGHT+DAY | NEWS | LETTERS | CONTENTS | participants to show up. “We attract a lot of females — fi t, fun, outgoing females — and shockingly enough, I need to get the word out more to guys,” she says. “They come, they show up, but it takes a little more effort. Which is a bit frustrating, because we have some really cool women here for you, guys. You have no idea how cool they are! Just show up!” Arrechea says the ratio of people who contact her matchmaking company is ten women to one man, a similar fi gure to that reported by the other matchmakers. “Men aren’t as motivated as women. Men don’t want to put as much effort in, or they don’t want to seem like they need the help,” Arrechea says. “They’ll go online with the worst photos that you’ve ever seen, and they don’t care.” However, men do make up approximately 78 percent of Tinder users, the most popu- lar dating app in the U.S. — though as the matchmakers point out, they may be seeking casual hookups over long-term relationships. Still, many Denver men are looking for connection in other ways — even if not ro- mantic. Project Man Cave launched an app in Denver last month to connect men seeking male friendships in Denver (see story, page 8). A different platonic platform, Cuddle Com- fort, has hundreds of active accounts located in Denver, with mostly male users signing up just to hug or cuddle a complete stranger, with explicit instructions that it cannot lead to any romantic or sexual contact. A Westword re- porter received three cuddle requests within minutes of creating an account without any photos or identifying information. This behavior tracks, considering that Colorado was deemed the second-loneliest state in the country in a 2024 study by Assur- ance IQ. The year before, Denver ranked as the 27th-loneliest city. Facing the Dumpster Fire Regardless of how bleak it may appear, unless Denver singles are ready to fl ee the city, they’ll likely have to face the dating scene eventually. Luckily, there are changes they can make to boost their odds of success, the match- makers say. And that’s be- yond resorting to a reality TV show. Arrechea suggests look- ing to past relationships or friends for setups. To meet someone new, join a group or fi nd a hobby that you enjoy and do it by yourself instead of surrounded by an army of friends. Read a book at a park, grab a beer at a brewery alone, go to a concert solo. “There’s no secret path,” she says. “It’s really simple. You need to get out there.” While Alstad has watched many dates go awry at the Thin Man, he’s also enjoyed numerous tales of marriages and children that resulted from connections made in his business — a lot of which started not on an app, but when people happened to meet in the bar. “That still happens,” he says. “I’ve got a lot of hope. People still fi nd each other the old-fashioned way.” Anyone who’s not ready to leave the dat- ing apps should be up front about their in- tentions, not write someone off just because the fi rst date was awkward, and focus on a prospective partner’s core values instead of materialistic interests or appearances, Davis says. And do not lie about anything on your dating profi le, Fields adds, even your height. Though younger clients have reached out to Fields for matchmaking services, she en- courages singles in their early to mid-twenties to be patient and let connections come or- ganically. “Leave the room. You don’t need a matchmaker at this age,” she says. “If in ten years you’re still single, call me.” Finally, don’t let the abysmal results of Denver-based reality dating shows discourage real-life dating. Though not great, the city’s dating prospects are not quite as bad as portrayed on TV. “I don’t think it’s indica- tive of anything other than that people are willing to go through with getting mar- ried just so they can be on TV,” Davis says, adding that reality dating shows reach out to her “at least once a week” for help casting. She says any matchmaking ser- vice that asks couples to get married after only knowing each other for a few weeks (as with Love Is Blind) or a few seconds (Married at First Sight) is simply “insane.” While Balch says she’s tak- ing a break from dating after her run on Married at First Sight — she’s still in the process of getting divorced, after all (see story, page 6) — she encourages her fellow Den- ver residents to continue the push to fi nd love. “Face the dumpster fi re,” Balch says. “Keep putting yourself out there and keep learning each time.” ■ For a Good Time, Why Not Date Yourself? BY BETH KENNY It was the AI-generated message from “Mar- tin” a month ago on eHarmony that sent me on my “dating myself” voyage. The machine’s reaction to my interests (hiking, reading, learning Spanish, volunteering with a theater company) read: “What a great interest and goal! Reading books and hiking are both great ways to enrich your life experiences and knowledge. We are the same about this. I believe that learning Spanish will defi nitely open up a broader world for you. At the same time, it also gives you a deeper understanding of the culture and people of Latin America. Participating in voluntary work with a theater company is also a very meaningful activity. I have also been involved in the charity fi elds for many years.” Insert video of me here, wildly waving a white fl ag, yelling, “I surrender!” After establishing and later ending a few longer-term relationships (six months to a year) via dating apps over the last three years, it feels like every time I went back to the well, the pickings seemed quantitatively and qualitatively slimmer in my 55-65ish demographic. I could feel myself trying to summon enthusiasm to look at the profi les, but it felt increasingly joyless. When a nugget did come through, it was often a “like” with no message or the copy-and-paste comment “Hey pretty lady!” I needed a break. I knew where I was headed: It was time to start dating myself again. This wasn’t the fi rst time I agreed to be exclusive with my- self. Soon I found myself playing a favorite ’70s tune, the Barbra Streisand song written by the king of sublime schmaltz, Rupert Holmes, “Lullaby for Myself.” This song was played in high rotation on my Kmart bedroom stereo after any given heartbreak between my mid-teens and early twenties. Check it out: Is there any better sentiment for the newly or confi rmed self-dater than the following? It’s really lovely to discover That you like to be alone Not to owe your man an answer When he gets you on the phone Not to share a pair of pork chops When you crave champagne and cheese And your aim becomes to please yourself And not to aim to please. While I can clearly see the cheese content in the song at age 61, it captures a part of me that honestly enjoys my own company. Granted, there is the switcheroo at the end where Babs backpedals on loving being alone, as many of us do, but I wanted to get back in touch with the Beth who craves her champagne and cheese alone on a Thursday evening with no apologies. So, yes, I started dating myself for a spell this spring. All the local places that might be the setting for a great fi rst date — a walk through the Denver Botanic Gardens, a hike in Golden Gate State Park, hanging out at my favorite restaurant — became my domain. Here is a rundown of a recent lead-up and date day/night agenda with my favorite lady: 1 to 2 p.m.: Shower and wash hair. Hold the same hygiene and fashion standard as for a date with another person. No one, includ- ing yourself, wants to see greasy locks, dirty fi ngernails and frumpy clothes. Therefore, I showered, exfoliated, shaved my legs and put on a fun, vintage-inspired sundress. Finally, I applied some makeup, including a bold date-night red lip. 2 to 4:30 p.m.: I walked the Botanic Gar- dens and investigated the new Spirit Guides sculpture exhibit by Oaxacan artists Jacobo and María Ángeles. I also slowed down and hung out for a long while with the surreal quantity of tulips, nearly all at their gorgeous peak. It’s a different experience engaging with such beauty when on a solo date. If you’ve ever worked through the twelve weeks of activities in Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, this might feel familiar: Dating yourself is a bit like the “artist’s date.” Cameron assigns two-hour weekly dates to readers to promote nurturing one’s creative spirit. She advises, “Doing your artist’s date, you are receiving — opening yourself to insight, inspiration, guidance.” One of my favorite side benefi ts of a solo date at the Botanic Gardens, or any museum, is that you can pore over the contents of the gift shop without someone asking, “Hey... are you about ready to get going?” Sure, on a partnered date, you would probably move the date along and head out, but there is so much cool stuff in there! The seeds, the art, the garden tchotchkes. I enjoyed it all in my own sweet time. Gift shops are my jam. 4:30 to 6 p.m.: All that grooving on your internal dialogue can build up an appetite, so I hit Watercourse for happy hour and a light vegan dinner. They have excellent seats at the bar for a solo date. Attentive, skilled bartenders will serve you a killer cocktail like the Lavender Aviation with Family Jones gin, housemade lavender simple syrup, lemon and a bordeaux cherry (only $5 at happy hour). You can make a meal of the seitan wings ($7) and raw pad Thai ($7) and start winding down the date. Take some stock in the quality of the day. Was it good? How was the connection? Do you like this person enough to go out again? If you really get to know the person, I’ll bet you will book an- other date before the check comes. Lather, rinse, repeat for at least a month. You may just sit with dating yourself indefi nitely; this is a totally valid option for some. After all, the most important relation- ship you have is with yourself. But if your goal is to eventually get yourself back out there and enjoy dating again and maybe start a relationship, it’s important to take the time to get comfortable with being alone. Those dat- ing apps will be there, ready to snatch your money, if and when you are ready to return. After about a month of dating Beth, I felt an urge to open the app again and take a look. I sent out a message to a local guy, and voilà! A thoughtfully worded message came back. I’m now heading into the third date with a truly interesting, handsome man my age. Too early to say much, but I think the experience of dating myself opened me up to this. So give dating yourself a try. Over time, I think you will fi nd that you really like the person inside your skin suit. There is so much to learn about them. Enjoy your dates! ■ Got a Match? continued from page 8 The Denver cast of Married at First Sight. THE DEL ACASTROS WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHERS
