44 Best of phoenix 2023 | WWW.bestofphoenix2023.c0m | septemBer 28, 2023 pathologist — not a professional politician. And her administration earned plaudits from educators. Horne, on the other hand, was plagued with ethical issues and accu- sations of using the AG’s office for campaign purposes. The low point of his tenure as AG was an FBI tail on his car as he headed for an alleged nooner with his alleged mistress. Agents spied Horne-dog hitting another car in the parking lot adjacent to a Pita Jungle. He later pled no contest to a vehicular hit-and-run, a misde- meanor. Horne’s wrong-way, down-ballot win in 2022 can be blamed on two factors: name recognition and the laziness of our local Fourth Estate, which failed to inform the public of Horne’s checkered past. Has Horne grown an ethical bone in recent years? Don’t bet on it. At least he’s not taking up space in the AG’s office, where he could do far more damage. Best Living Proof that Only the Good Die Young ARPAIO’S ANNOUNCEMENT THAT HE’S RUNNING FOR MAYOR OF FOUNTAIN HILLS (AGAIN) At age 91, will former Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio just go away already? After his office was found guilty of wide- spread racial profiling of Latinos in the Melendres v. Arpaio civil rights case, Arpaio defied a federal judge’s injunction and was later found guilty of contempt of court. At last count, complying with the court’s orders in Melendres has cost taxpayers $253 million. Since being drummed out of office in disgrace in 2016, Arpaio continues to linger on the body politic like a bad case of psoriasis. After losing a 2022 comeback bid to be mayor of Fountain Hills to Democratic incumbent Ginny Dickey, Arpaio refused to fade away, selling his signature pink underwear at gun shows and recently announcing that in 2024 he will again be a candidate for Fountain Hills’ top spot. Dare to dream, huh? Arpaio runs for spite, saying he wants to end Fountain Hills’ contract with the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office for law enforcement services. Supposedly, this would be his revenge against the man who beat him like a snare drum in 2016, Paul Penzone. Fortunately, the voters seem wise to this washed-up has-been’s scam, and Arpaio will end his days as a loser, no matter how many times he runs for mayor. Best Political Twitter BARRY MARKSON @BarryMarkson1 KTAR legal analyst and Twitter personality Barry Markson doesn’t sound like a lawyer, and that’s a good thing, though he plays one in real life. Indeed, Markson in no way reminds us of the classic lawyer joke, “What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra? Taller.” We kid. In reality, Markson truly is the “speaker of common sense” that he bills himself as on Twitter, where he’s been having a field day trying to knock some sense into Republicans regarding Trump, the “stolen” election of 2020 and the “stolen” midterms, with Kari Lake, AZ’s one true governor, still waiting to be crowned the Empress of Arizona. Markson Tweeted recently, “Kari Lake is getting to the point where she can’t talk without saying things [that] aren’t true. The MAGA fantasy bubble must be the best high ever.” Go get her, Barry, and keep preaching to the conservatives on KTAR. You might even convert a few. Best Political Twitter Parody THE REAL THELMA JOHNSON @TheRealThelmaJ1 The Real Thelma Johnson is the meemaw Arizona Republicans love to hate. Posing as a kindly grandma who should be fretting about her bursitis, some unknown comic genius has been skewering GOPers repeatedly since 2018 with barbs and memes aplenty. Whether it’s a GIF of Kari Lake jumping a shark a la Fonzie from “Happy Days,” reimagining prosecutor Jack Smith as Billy Jack, or joking about Turning Point USA’s Charlie Kirk’s massive head being used to block the sun, Thelma rattles off more burns than a seatbelt in July. Mark Finchem, Donald Trump, Anthony Kern — they all get their whacks. Her series of fake endorsements for Lake’s candidacy from the likes of Jim Jones, Joseph Stalin and Joseph Goebbels are the stuff of legend. Nor is she above the occasional groaner: “Watching Trump reminded me I got arrested once for stealing a kitchen utensil from Target. I knew that might happen but it was a whisk I was willing to take.” Don Rickles may be dead, but his spirit lives on in The Real Thelma Johnson.
