27 Dec 19th-Dec 25th, 2024 phoenixnewtimes.com PHOENIX NEW TIMES | NEWS | FEATURE | FOOD & DRINK | ARTS & CULTURE | MUSIC | CONCERTS | CANNABIS | Savage Burn We asked ChatGPT to roast metro Phoenix. BY BENJAMIN LEATHERMAN C hatGPT has undergone a major upgrade. OpenAI, the California-based tech company behind the AI chatbot, launched its o1 reasoning model earlier this month, signif- icantly boosting ChatGPT’s intelligence and understanding. ChatGPT’s also gotten better at writing jokes, including quips about the Valley. In July 2023, a Phoenix Reddit user asked ChatGPT to roast various parts of metro Phoenix. The AI didn’t disappoint, delivering scathing zingers about suburbs like Mesa, Tempe and Scottsdale. More than a year later, and Phoenix New Times decided to put ChatGPT’s upgraded humor to the test by asking it to once again roast every city in the metro Phoenix area — including Phoenix itself. The results? Even more brutal than last time. Shots fired at Phoenix ChatGPT first aimed Phoenix, grabbing some low-hanging fruit with a weak jab about the extreme heat: “The ‘Valley of the Sun,’ where the only valley is your soul melting on an August afternoon.” The rest of its roast was much wittier, as ChatGPT stated that the downtown skyline was “like someone started building SimCity and gave up halfway through.” Zing. Take that, developers. Slaying Scottsdale, Mesa and Tempe ChatGPT next set its sights on the East Valley, skewering Scottsdale and the vanity of its upwardly mobile residents. The affluent city was described as a place “where Botox flows like the Salt River and the real estate listings come with a side of Instagram filters.” Its next line was even better: “Its Beverly Hills for people who couldn’t quite make it to California.” Ouch. ChatGPT massacred Mesa next, refer- ring to the sprawling suburb as “the land of 55+ communities and strip malls.” The roast continued, targeting Mesa’s endless tract homes: “It’s like the city planners made a deal with Home Depot and forgot about everything else.” The AI took the easy route with Tempe, joking, “Home to ASU, where the tuition is high but the students are higher,” and followed up with, “Your city’s legacy is an eternal traffic jam on Mill Avenue.” Gutting Gilbert and Chandler ChatGPT didn’t spare the snark for other East Valley cities. When the AI got to Chandler, it weaponized the sleepy city’s current status as a tech hub. “Tech companies love Chandler because even their robots don’t mind how boring it is,” ChatGPT joked. “It’s like Mesa’s younger sibling who got an MBA but no personality.” Gilbert’s transformation into a thriving destination for restaurants and nightlife in recent years didn’t impress ChatGPT. “What started as a farm town now has more cookie-cutter neighborhoods than actual residents,” it stated. “You’re the only city that can make artisan ice cream feel unadventurous.” Boom. Roasted. Wrecking the West Valley Moving on to the West Valley, ChatGPT was equally vicious to Glendale, “where you can enjoy an NFL game and also wonder why you drove 40 minutes to be in the middle of nowhere,” and Avondale, a “city that tries to be edgy because it’s near a NASCAR track.” Goodyear also got it from the AI, which quipped, “Your biggest accomplishment is having the same name as a tire company.” It then twisted the knife, adding, “People only know you because they drove through on the way to California.” The punishment didn’t end there. Peoria was dismissed as a place “where people go to retire if they find Sun City too lively.” Speaking of Sun City, the community famously known as a haven for older adults (median age: 72.6 years) was also savaged by the AI chatbot. “A retirement community where the median age is ‘expired,’” ChatGPT quipped. “It’s the Florida of Arizona, but with fewer gators and more golf carts.” However, it was Surprise that bore the brunt of the mockery. “The name says it all: ‘Surprise, you moved into the middle of nowhere!’” the AI jabbed. “There’s nothing here but people who didn’t want to pay Scottsdale prices.” DALL-E generated image with prompts by Benjamin Leatherman Gilbert’s iconic water tower. (Photo by Georgann Yara) A photo of downtown Phoenix in 2012. (Courtesy of Alan Stark/Flickr/CC BY-SA 2.0) The Valley hardly lacks world-class sports facilities, and State Farm Stadium has hosted Super Bowls and Final Fours. But as one Reddit user wrote, “An opening and closing ceremony in Glendale?”(Courtesy of Troutfarm27/CC BY-SA 4.0/Flickr) Arizona State University caught some strays when ChatGPT roasted Tempe. (Courtesy of Russy11/CC BY-SA 4.0/Wikimedia Commons) ▼ Arts & Culture
