8 Aug 31st–sept 6th, 2023 phoenixnewtimes.com phoenix new Times | music | cafe | film | culTuRe | NighT+Day | feaTuRe | NeWs | OPiNiON | feeDBacK | cONTeNTs | (No) More Cowbell An A to Z guide of State Farm Stadium’s most unheard of rules. BY RYAN YOUSEFI W hether you’re headed out to catch an Arizona Cardinals game this season or making preparations to attend the Metallica M72 World Tour on Sept. 3, one thing is certain: When it comes to State Farm Stadium, rules are rules, and they’re laid out in the venue’s annual “A-Z Stadium Guide.” Some stadium rules are more obvious and well-recognized than others, so we went ahead and read them all so you don’t have to. Phoenix New Times scoured every nook and cranny of the stadium’s rulebook to bring you some of the most noteworthy, interesting and oddest rules. Here’s a list of the most overlooked and unheard of do’s and don’ts at State Farm Stadium. No cowbells allowed If you have a fever and the doctor’s prescription calls for more cowbell, State Farm Stadium is not the place to fill it. In the name of preserving eardrums and maintaining sanity for all, the stadium prohibits cowbells — no exceptions. That means Cardinals fans and Christopher Walken’s SNL character, Bruce Dickinson, must venture elsewhere for the distinctive sounds of drumstick’s smacking steel. We have to ask, though — why did State Farm single out cowbells? There must be some history where one bad cowbell ruined it for the rest of us. Feeding strangers frowned upon While walking up to State Farm Stadium this season, do not — we repeat, do not! — feed Bob. Who is Bob? EXACTLY! You don’t know, Bob. Thus, State Farm Stadium prohibits you from feeding Bob. According to the “A-Z Guide,” State Farm tailgating is reserved for “family and friends” who arrived together and planned to tailgate in the same vicinity. The rules are vague, but in general, tailgating, by the book, is reserved for those you’ve previ- ously known or arrived with. The bottom line is, just like the emus at the Phoenix Zoo, State Farm Stadium requests you don’t feed those people who have never been to your house or, at the very least, follow you on Facebook. Obviously, this rule is next-to-impossible to enforce. It likely has to do with food permits, something fans don’t want to consider while attempting to have a good time. Miniature horses allowed Did you know a new law passed in Arizona in 2017 allows miniature horses to be used as service animals? Next question: Did you know that State Farm Stadium has a no-animals policy unless said animal is a service animal? If you answered yes to both those ques- tions, then do with that information what you will. Sorry, Cardinals. We report the news. Until the stadium guide adds verbiage specifically stating only dogs are allowed, they may want to start putting some minia- ture horse Kyler Murray jerseys in the team shop. They may also want to put an ad on LinkedIn for additional team shop staff — pooper-scooper experience is a plus. Designated drivers: Heroes with perks Love football and driving, but hate alcohol? State Farm Stadium rewards your life choices with a program providing designated drivers with In the name of preserving eardrums and maintaining sanity for all, the stadium prohibits cowbells, but not cowbell-esque vocal sounds. (Photo by Elias Weiss) | NEWS | >> p 10
