8 December 26, 2024 - January 1, 2025 miaminewtimes.com | browardpalmbeach.com New Times | music | cafe | culture | Night+Day | News | letters | coNteNts | miaminewtimes.com MIAMI NEW TIMES | MUSIC | CAFE | FILM | ART | STAGE | NIGHT+DAY | METRO | RIPTIDE | LETTERS | CONTENTS | The Dwyane Wade Statue Say what you will about Mount Rushmore — the likenesses of four white dudes carved out of sacred rock on stolen Indian land — but at least no one looks at it and says, “Who is that guy?” Yet in October, when the Miami Heat staged a ceremony to unveil a statue of NBA Hall of Famer Dwyane Wade that will stand sentry outside the Kaseya Center forevermore, the first words out the mouths of virtually all those in at- tendance — including the guest of honor — were: “Who is that guy?” Cast in bronze, the unlikeness is the work of sculptors Omri Amrany and Oscar León of the Chicago-based Rotblatt Armany Studio, who intended it to re- create the iconic “This Is My House” moment in 2009, when Wade propelled Miami to a 130-127 triumph over the Chicago Bulls with a steal and a three-pointer as buzzer sounded to end the second over- time period. Instead, the statue looked like something out of The Matrix, I Am Legend, or, seen from some angles, Kelsey Grammer of Frasier fame. D- Wade graciously defended the sculpture, but it must be said: As one of the greatest players in professional basketball his- tory, he deserved better. Grazie Sophia Christie Stand aside, sugar babies, Miami native Grazie Sophia Christie knows a thing or two about identifying a rich beau. In a New York magazine essay entitled, “The Case for Marrying an Older Man,” Christie detailed how, as a 20-year- old junior at Harvard University, she found a suitably financially endowed bachelor ten years her senior — and why, therefore other women should consider pursuing an age-gap relationship. Her essay described lugging “a heavy suitcase of books each Saturday to the Harvard Business School” in order to home in on a well-to-do bachelor, using her “high breasts, eggs, plausible deniability when it came to purity, flush ponytail, and pep in her step” as bait. Sad to say, Christie’s counsel did not sit well with the internet. Users on the platform formerly known as Twitter deemed the essay “utterly baffling” and Christie “completely unself-aware.” A Harvard grad herself, Christie now passes her days in Miami, London, and “sometimes France.” Locally, she’s editor-in-chief of her own magazine, the Miami Native. She also has two prominent pro-life parents, both of whom are radiologists. (Her mom, Grazie Pozo Christie, played a central role in helping Gov. Ron DeSantis defeat Amendment 4, which would have enshrined abortion rights in the state constitution.) Karate-Chopping Car Mirror Dude For better or for worse (let’s face it, it’s for worse), Miami is a city of cars. And drivers. And shitty traffic. All too of- ten, those conditions lend themselves to road rage, and in this town, that can mean acts of violence that inflict serious bodily harm. Earlier this year, though, Miamians were treated to a road rage incident that culminated in hi- larity, and the only casu- alty was a side-view mirror. Better yet, it was all caught on video! Captured in down- town Miami at the corner of Biscayne Boulevard and NE Ninth Street, the video shows a fellow clad in peg- leg trousers and a slim-fit dress shirt exiting his Cor- vette to confront a woman in an SUV — about what, we’ll likely never know. But by “confront,” we mean to convey that the man pro- ceeds to deliver a perfectly placed karate chop to her driver’s-side mirror, leaving it dangling by the thread of its electrical cable as he turns, strides back to his convertible, and departs while the woman attempts to take down his license plate number. So awestruck were we — he Say what you will about Mount Rushmore — — but at least no one looks at it and says, Grazie Sophia Christie Stand aside, sugar babies, Miami native Grazie Sophia Christie knows a thing or two about identifying a rich beau. In a York Case for Marrying an Older Man,” found a suitably financially endowed bachelor ten years her heavy suitcase of books each to home in on a well-to-do bachelor, using her “high flush ponytail, and pep in her step” as not sit well with the internet. Users on the platform formerly known as Twitter deemed the essay “utterly baffling” and Christie “completely unself-aware.” A Harvard grad herself, Christie now passes her days in Miami, London, and “sometimes were treated to a road rage incident that culminated in hi- larity, and the only casu- alty was a side-view mirror. town Miami at the Boulevard and NE leg trousers and a slim-fit dress shirt exiting his Cor- an SUV — about what, we’ll likely never know. But by “confront,” we mean to convey that the man pro- ceeds to deliver a perfectly placed karate chop to her driver’s-side mirror, leaving it dangling by the thread of its electrical cable as he turns, strides back to his convertible, and departs while
