4 November 21-27, 2024 miaminewtimes.com | browardpalmbeach.com New Times | music | cafe | culture | Night+Day | news | letters | coNteNts | MONTH XX–MONTH XX, 2008 miaminewtimes.com MIAMI NEW TIMES | MUSIC | CAFE | FILM | ART | STAGE | NIGHT+DAY | METRO | RIPTIDE | LETTERS | CONTENTS | ▼ LOCATION FRENEMY OF THE STATE TEN NASTY THINGS TRUMP SAID ABOUT MARCO RUBIO. BY ZULEKHA PITTS I n a twist fit for a reality TV show — or, you know, the Trump administration — two- time president-elect Donald Trump is re- portedly eyeing Florida U.S. Sen. Marco Rubio as his pick for secretary of state. Yes, you read that right. Born and reared in Miami to Cuban par- ents, Rubio served for nearly a decade as a Republican state legislator before taking his game from the Sunshine State to Congress in 2011. He has been a right-wing constant ever since, earning a zero out of 100 on the Human Rights Campaign’s Congressional Scorecard in 2022 thanks to his stalwart anti-LGBTQ and anti-choice voting record. Despite his national profile and influence in Florida, Rubio was once the subject of re- lentless ridicule from the man who might be his new boss. Back in 2016, when the two men dueled on the debate stage for the Republican presiden- tial nomination, Trump famously dubbed the five-foot-ten-inch legislator “Little Marco.” Yet, politics makes strange bedfellows, and now Trump is said to be prepared to elevate Rubio to one of the executive branch’s high- est positions. The nomination would mark a stunning shift from the insults Trump hurled Rubio’s way on a near-daily basis. So, let’s take a trip down memory lane and revisit all the times Trump skewered Rubio, sparing no jab in his quest to dominate the GOP. 1. “Little Marco”: Trump seemed to have a penchant for belittling Rubio — literally. The nickname “Little Marco” stuck like super glue as Trump often tried to cast him as small, insignificant, and unsuitable for the big leagues. Trump used it every chance he got, especially when he needed a punchline dur- ing rallies or debates on the 2016 campaign trail. Nothing says “prime candidate for sec- retary of state” like repeatedly calling a sena- tor “little,” right? Then again, this one earns the top spot for a reason: Rubio hit back at Trump below the belt. (We all know what they say about men with small hands.) 2. “Lightweight”: If Trump wasn’t calling him “Little Marco,” he was labeling Rubio a “lightweight.” In Trump’s estimation, the sit- ting U.S. senator was practically invisible in Washington, a guy who couldn’t handle the pressure. “Marco Rubio is a total lightweight who I wouldn’t hire to run one of my smaller companies — a highly overrated politician!” Trump tweeted early on. Perhaps Trump now sees something diplomatic in that “light- weight” quality — after all, who better to send across the world than someone he once dis- missed as unfit even to run one of his smaller businesses? 3. “Choker”: Speaking of pressure, Trump called Rubio a “choker” after a February 2016 debate, going so far as to say, “Lightweight choker Marco Rubio looks like a little boy on stage. Not presidential material!” Diplomacy requires a cool head, but Trump apparently isn’t letting a little thing like consistency get in the way. 4. “Mr. Meltdown”: Trump liked to mix things up, pivoting from “choker” to “Mr. Meltdown” in order to rub Rubio’s nose in his debate defeats. Then again, a Trump secre- tary of state with a “Mr. Meltdown” reputa- tion is kinda on-brand for the once and future president if you stop to think about it. 5.”Totally Owned”: In Trump’s eyes, Rubio was just another politician “totally owned” by lobbyists. During the 2016 primaries, Trump painted Rubio as a puppet for special interests and big donors, accusing him of be- ing more “Washington establishment” than a man of the people. Perhaps Trump thinks the puppet strings have fallen off. Or maybe he’s just looking forward to being the one pulling them. 6. “Sweating Profusely”: In April 2015, after Rubio announced his presidential bid outside the Freedom Tower in downtown Miami, Trump needled him “sweating profusely.” The sweat jibe would be a recurring theme for Trump as the campaign wore on. 7. “No-Show”: During the campaign, Trump skewered Rubio’s voting record, la- beling him a “no-show” senator with the “worst voting record in the Senate.” Accord- ing to Trump, Rubio couldn’t even show up to work, much less represent his constituents. From no-show to the front lines of American diplomacy. Go figure. 8. “Dishonest”: Trump’s disdain for Rubio extended beyond the U.S. Senate floor. He ac- cused his opponent of being downright dis- honest. “I will be using Facebook and Twitter to expose dishonest lightweight Senator Marco Rubio,” he proclaimed in March of 2016. Again, though, on-brand? 9. “Bought and Paid For”: A variation on to- tally owned (see No. 5)? Perhaps. Trump also suggested that Rubio was “bought and paid for” by his donors, reducing him to a mouth- piece for anyone willing to write a check. This was a favorite talking point of Trump during the 2016 primaries, yet he’s now will- ing to elevate the senator to a major role on the international stage. Then again...on- brand? 10. “Robot Rubio”: Ah, the “Robot Rubio” dig. Trump mockingly suggested that Rubio was little more than a talking-point machine, empty of original thought or genuine convic- tion. Somehow, “Robot Rubio” has evolved from an insult to a potential secretary of state. Maybe Trump decided that having a “robot” in the role wouldn’t be so bad. He is pals with Elon Musk, after all. [email protected] | RIPTIDE | GET MORE NEWS & COMMENTARY AT MIAMINEWTIMES.COM/NEWS There, there, Little Marco Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images ▼ TROPICAL PARK HO, HO, NO! OPENING NIGHT AT CHRISTMAS WONDERLAND WAS A LUMP OF COAL. BY NAOMI FEINSTEIN W ith Santa’s Enchanted Forest a no- show this holiday season, Santa- starved Miamians have only one Christmas-themed amusement park to visit this year: Christmas Wonderland at Tropical Park. Unfortunately, opening night delivered a figu- rative lump of coal when the park was unable to keep up with demand. On Thursday, November 14, visitors were stuck in standstill traffic for hours waiting to be admitted to the park, only to learn that the holi- day-themed amusement park had quickly reached capacity and it would be closed for the rest of the night. Frustrated holiday fun-seekers took to social media to document and gripe about encountering the chaos after spending a pretty penny on tickets. A TikTok from Thursday night shows crowds waiting to enter as a police officer announces that the park has closed for the night. “POV: A-ten minute drive to the only Christmas-themed park in Miami turns into two hours, only for you to have to park in BFE, walk a ton, and find out there’s no more entry due to maximum capacity,” wrote Miamian Rachel Garcia. Others bombarded the park’s Instagram page with complaints about the traffic issues and being turned away despite having purchased tickets. The company restricted comments on its posts later that night. A sampling of comments that still appear on the park’s profile: “Everyone boycott this shit. Absolutely zero preparation for opening night. You will be stuck at the bird exit for an hour if you’re lucky. Not even close to getting in yet.” “I was in traffic for over an hour only to be turned away at the entrance with bought online tickets because the park was closed… what a joke.” “They told me, ‘No more free tickets. I showed them my paid one, they said , ‘You can come tomorrow,’ I was like my whole family is there like wtf, can i bring them tomorrow as well they told me with the hardest [clown emoji] face they had: ‘No, but they can buy another ticket.’ This place is a joke. I thought it would be like a Santa’s enchanted forest. But it was like krampus cursed swamp.” “Three hours in traffic. Half a tank of gas. Turned away. Opening day tickets wasted.” “I don’t know who is in charge of this place logistic, but they should be fired, immediately. So disrespectful. One hour and 50 minutes in traffic just to get in. Parking at the end of the park, walking to the entrance with tickets, only to be told that the park had to close. They should be penalized.” Shortly after midnight, Christmas Wonder- land management issued a statement on its Ins- tagram in response to the complaints about he chaos — and disallowed comments. “At our preview night at Christmas Wonder- land at Tropical Park, we had an unprecedented demand for access to the park,” the statement reads. “In an abundance of caution, we made the decision to close the park when it reached ca- pacity as the safety of our guests and staff is the top priority. Our team is committed to delivering an optimal and safe holiday experience for the community.” This is the second year of the Christmas Won- derland park, which took over Santa’s Enchanted Forest’s longtime space at Tropical Park. Tickets are priced at $39, $29 for children 10 and under. The holiday-themed park is open through Sun- day, January 5, 2025. [email protected] “I DON’T KNOW WHO IS IN CHARGE OF THIS PLACE LOGISTIC, BUT THEY SHOULD BE FIRED, IMMEDIATELY.”
