4 OctOber 17-23, 2024 miaminewtimes.com | browardpalmbeach.com New Times | music | cafe | culture | Night+Day | news | letters | coNteNts | MONTH XX–MONTH XX, 2008 miaminewtimes.com MIAMI NEW TIMES | CONTENTS | LETTERS | RIPTIDE | METRO | NIGHT+DAY | STAGE | ART | FILM | CAFE | MUSIC | ▼ FLORIDA FLORIDA MAN: MILTON EDITION MEET THE FLORIDA MEN WHO CRAWLED OUT OF THE WOODWORK AMID HURRICANE MILTON. BY ALEX DELUCA H aving spawned a deadly spate of tornadoes across the state as it approached, Hurricane Milton roared ashore near Sarasota last week as a major Category 3 storm — leaving extensive property damage and more than 3.4 million homes and busi- nesses without power when the sun rose. The storm brought record rainfall and life-threat- ening storm surges across a large swath of the Gulf Coast. But as natural disasters like Milton wreak their deadly havoc, they also spotlight a unique Sunshine State phenomenon: The Florida Man. Below, in no particular order, we’ve assem- bled a list of characters who crawled out of the woodwork ahead of Hurricane Milton: Lieutenant Dan One-legged Tampa resident Joseph Ma- linowski, better known as “Lieutenant Dan,” became an overnight sensation for insisting that he would ride out Milton aboard his small sailboat in Tampa Bay. Malinowski — who, WUFT News helpfully informed us, boasts a lengthy rap sheet, including an arrest tied to an allegation that he attempted to set a woman on fire — survived the night, according to several media outlets. “I slept like a baby,” he’s said to have said. Mike Smalls Jr. After infamous pro-Trump streamer Adin Ross allegedly offered $70,000 to people who livestreamed through Hurricane Milton, Tampa influencer Mike Smalls Jr. accepted the challenge and camped outside during the storm with an air mattress, a package of ra- men, and an umbrella. Smalls later called out Ross for reneging on the offer. But wait! There’s more! Ross reportedly decided to throw Smalls a $10K bone in rec- ognition of our Florida Man finding shelter from the storm. Mohammed Nijem Tampa resident Mohammed Nijem secured his entire one-story home to the ground in preparation for the storm, as shown in a photo shared online by Spectrum Bay News 9. “*slaps house* ‘That’s not going anywhere,’” one person joked on X (formerly Twitter). Unbothered Florida Man/Jogger Hours before the Category 3 storm made landfall, a shirtless man was seen jogging (seemingly unbothered) in the background of News Nation correspondent Brian Entin’s live report from Tampa. “That’s a Florida Man for ya right there, jogging in the hurricane!” Entin marveled as the man trotted past. Person in Dinosaur Costume at Southernmost Point Around 11 p.m. Wednesday night, more than 300 miles away from Milton’s evil eye, a per- son dressed in an inflatable dinosaur costume popped up on Key West’s Southernmost Point live cam. Formula 1 Florida Man Shortly before Milton made landfall, a per- son in a white SUV was seen doing doughnuts through a flooded Tampa parking lot. “He’s currently on lap 4,” a person wrote on X alongside video of the stunt. CNN Anchor Anderson Cooper (Honorable Mention) Indefatigable CNN anchor/storm chaser An- derson Cooper earns Honorary Florida Man status for getting himself doinked in the head by flying debris while reporting live from Bradenton as Milton made landfall with 120 mph wind gusts and heavy rainfall. “Okay, that wasn’t good,” said Cooper. “Um, we’ll probably go inside shortly....” | RIPTIDE | GET MORE NEWS & COMMENTARY AT MIAMINEWTIMES.COM/NEWS Here’s an incomplete list of all the Florida Men who crawled out of the woodwork ahead of Hurricane Milton. Screenshot via The National Desk/YouTube ▼ MAR-A-LAGO JOKE’S ON WHO? DID TRUMP INVITE EVACUEES TO SHELTER FROM MILTON AT MAR-A- LAGO? BY NAOMI FEINSTEIN W ith Hurricane Milton barreling its way toward Florida’s Gulf Coast as a catastrophic storm last week, more than 5 million residents along the coast were urged to evacuate their homes for their safety. “You’re going to die,” Tampa Mayor Jane Cas- tor warned residents who might ignore evacua- tion orders. As residents fled en masse, loyal supporters of former president Donald Trump were purport- edly offered the opportunity to shack up at not their typical hurricane shelter: Trump’s Mar-a- Lago Country Club in West Palm Beach. All they needed to do was wear a red “Make America Great Again” hat and show up to MAGA heaven, people said. No $1 million initiation fee necessary! (Democrats were not welcome.) “I read that Trump has opened the doors at Mar-a-Lago for a place for MAGAs to take shel- ter. Pass it on,” a user wrote on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter. Another said the offer extended to other Trump properties as well. “BREAKING: Trump offers free lodging at any of his time-shares (including Mar-a-Lago) to all displaced Trumpers as Milton approaches,” the person claimed. “Note: Let’s see how Trump likes it when misinformation flows his way for a change.” Hmmm. Trump was also looking out for Florida ranch- ers, who were invited to board their livestock on his golf courses. (The properties were also report- edly open for camper and RV storage.) “Due to Ron DeSantis’ failure to prepare for Hurricane Milton, @realDonaldTrump has opened ALL his golf courses, including Mar-a- lago, to corral and safeguard any Trump sup- porter’s livestock that needs to be evacuated from the hurricane’s path,” a user said. “He’s also providing free hay and feed!” When New Times called Trump National Doral and asked whether the hotel is opening its doors to Trump supporters, a representative said the hotel was fully booked. “We have nowhere to put you,” the employee said. Unfortunately, no one picked up the phone at Mar-a-Lago. While the former president might not have accommodated evacuating supporters, one X user posted a photo they claimed were electrical linemen bunking gratis at Trump Doral. “President Trump is giving free rooms at Trump Doral hotel to the lineman getting ready to help the people of Florida during the Hurri- cane,” the post reads. “The people’s President.” [email protected] “NOTE: LET’S SEE HOW TRUMP LIKES IT WHEN MISINFORMATION FLOWS HIS WAY FOR A CHANGE.”