7 August 7-13, 2025 miaminewtimes.com | browardpalmbeach.com NEW TIMES | CONTENTS | LETTERS | NEWS | NIGHT+DAY | CULTURE | CAFE | MUSIC | If memory serves correctly, Drake Tua was, thankfully, short-lived. Because, let’s be honest, that looks like it hurts, and we all needed to move and act like it didn’t happen. Perry Ellis Tua Perry Ellis Tua is the divorced Dad Tua you don’t want coming around your mom. He clearly has ulterior motives and will have ac- cess to her mobile banking after the fourth date. He’s smooth. Smooth enough to be an undercover police officer by day and a lounge owner by night. People call this Tua “Tua Bear,” and it makes nobody uncomfort- able at all. Perry Ellis is like Tua: Many have been sleeping on the product for years, but when you get up close and personal with it and re- ally understand it, you realize it’s top-tier. Macy’s Tua Is everything OK?! Press a number on your phone if you’re in danger, Tua! Is Tua in the room with us? Everyone remembers where they were this time last year, when Tua dropped the most shocking Ozempic-Macy’s mixtape of the summer. Mere months removed from looking well-fed at the Pro Bowl, Tua popped back on the scene looking not only lighter but brighter, with teeth a shade of white that only exists in Heaven. Now that Macy’s Tua is no more, we can all agree this legitimately frightened us. Not because he looked bad, but because Tua seemingly aged backward during the offsea- son and was now picking out school clothes for his freshman year in high school. Unc Tua Late last season, we got Unc Tua back — the frosted tips god. From plump to skinny and now back to just right, this Tua would slide directly into a K-pop band if the opportunity presented itself. We’re a big fan of this look because it feels extremely Miami, in that he shouldn’t be able to pull it off but he does. Because Miami. Braided Broward Tua Tua lives in Davie, and it’s clear that five years into his Florida residency, he has achieved peak Broward form. Braided Broward Tua didn’t just show up to training camp; he descended, rocking long, intricate braids, mirrored shades, and the type of confidence you only earn from surviv- ing being a Miami Dolphin for five seasons. He’s seen things! This is the Tua you catch shopping at Coral Square Mall, walking out of the Lids store with a fresh fitted cap. Cooler than the older side of the pillow, this Tua smells like Cool Water cologne, as if it were emanating from your computer screen. Whatever look Tua pulls out during the upcoming regular season, we hope — for his sake, especially — it’s mostly concealed under a football helmet. That look is our favorite. [email protected] It’s become something of an unofficial tradition: Each off-season brings a new version of Tua. Drake Tua Perry Ellis Tua Unc Tua Photo via Miami Dolphins / X Photo via Miami Dolphins / X Perry Ellis International Photo
