Unfair Park from p8 the time we get to January? They implode. They go south. They look like the Cowboys of recent vintage, which is to say, junk.” Through all the monumental pratfalls, the Cowboys have maintained the same common denominator and sole shot-caller: owner/ general manager Jones. Donnie Nelson, who helped the Dallas Mavericks win an NBA Championship and brought to the franchise icons Dirk Nowitzki and Luka Doncic, was fired in 2021. Jon Daniels, the architect of the Texas Rangers’ World Series teams in 2010- 11, was terminated in mid-August. Despite not accomplishing diddly-poo on the field since gas was $1.26, Jones perseveres. But simultaneously because of him and in spite of him, the Cowboys inexplicably man- age to remain audaciously popular without authentic success. And, by the way, they’ve ascended to the most valuable sports franchise on the planet. Only Jones could nurture an $8 billion com- pany by essentially selling defective products. Jones is both Barnum and Bailey, cajoling fans under his circus tent with three rings that these days are musty, outdated relics unable to conceal his often-muddy underbelly. With him at the helm, the Cowboys – good, bad and ugly – are always top of mind and tip of tongue. Jones made headlines just this offseason for everything from having a car accident in Highland Park to paying a $2.4 million settle- ment to four team cheerleaders in a voyeur- ism lawsuit against a former employee, to shelling out another $3 million to a woman claiming he was her biological father, and to assuring former Super Bowl-winning coach Jimmy Johnson he’d be inducted into the team’s prestigious Ring of Honor but then stubbornly refusing to set a date. His command of the spotlight powers Dallas’ unprecedented visibility. Whether they love or loathe them, NFL fans are con- stantly aware of the Cowboys. Despite only one playoff win during his six-year career, Prescott has the NFL’s sixth- best selling jersey. Last season the Cowboys had five of the league’s Top 50, leading them to again be No. 1 in merchandising revenue. Stephen A. Smith makes a living pre- tending to despise them. Fox TV personal- ity Skip Bayless makes his pretending to adore them. They continue to be the league’s biggest attraction, this season again earning the maximum six prime-time TV appearances including a coveted Thanksgiving afternoon slot no team dares to challenge. Turn on the TV to practically any sports network and you will see a talk- ing head with Cowboys connections, in- cluding CBS (Tony Romo and Steve Beuerlein), NBC (Jason Garrett), Fox (Jimmy Johnson, Daryl Johnston and Mar- cellus Wiley), ESPN (Aikman, Marcus Spears and Chris Canty) and NFL Network (Irvin and Brian Baldinger). Despite their lack of accolades, who did DirecTV hire for its new commercial featur- ing the Real Housewives taking on football players? Prescott and Lamb. Last year Jones got the Cowboys on 10 10 HBO’s Hard Knocks. This year he held a “blue carpet” soiree at the team’s plush headquarters, inviting high-profile media members to attend, ogle and gush to their respective audiences. “The single biggest reason the Cowboys are so hated is because the owner, over those last 27 years, has insisted on being the team’s biggest star,” Bayless said. “Jerry Jones is so ubiquitous, so omnipresent. He does two ra- dio shows a week. He’s constantly inserting himself in front of every camera, every mi- crophone. He does postgame interviews that no owner ever does on a regular basis. And the truth is, he even makes Cowboy fans hate him.” While the “owner should fire the GM” mantra has echoed through AT&T Stadium for years, there’s no denying Jones’ business acumen. Whether charging $75 for parking, refus- ing to decrease ticket prices during COVID or being the innovator who this offseason partnered with Blockchain as the team’s of- ficial cryptocurrency, Jones has transformed football into a fortune. His brand may outweigh his team, but he’s turned a $140 million investment in 1989 to the historic $8 billion Forbes valua- tion. Jones’ Cowboys are worth almost twice as much as the Mavericks ($2.7 billion) and Rangers ($2 billion) combined. How does he do it? By persuading Cow- boys fans to believe what they see now is thiiiiiiissss close to what they saw then. Jones may be turning 80 in October, and he may tear up over the recent deaths of good friend Larry Lacewell and forever per- sonal assistant Marilyn Love. But make no mistake about it, he’s not vacating his throne any time soon. He’s here for 2022, half-glass-fulling-it again despite the team’s loss of key offen- sive players such as receiver Amari Coo- per (trade) and lineman Tyron Smith (injury) and the daunting Sept. 11 season opener against seven-time Super Bowl champion Tom Brady, whom they’ve never beaten (0-6). “I don’t have time to have a bad time,” Jones said during training camp in Oxnard, California. “I need to win it all. We need to be in the playoffs. We need to be viable in the playoffs to have a successful season.” The last 26 empty seasons suggest the Cowboys will instead foster hope before ulti- mately crushing souls. If so, the uber-resilient Jones – and heir to his kingdom, son Stephen – will be back again in 2023. And beyond. “Let me make this very clear,” Jones said. “I’ll say it definitively. I will never do it. I will never sell the Cowboys. Ever.” After delivering his zinger to Smith at The Star, Jones invited the “fraud” to ride in his helicopter and later offered an invitation to someday come aboard his 357-foot, $250 million yacht. Keep fans of your tribute band close, and your enemies even closer. ▼ ALSO SPORTS GONE FISHIN’ E the Trinity River. A DRAWING OFFERS ANGLERS A CHANCE TO CATCH AND KEEP A TRINITY RIVER ALLIGATOR GAR. BY KATE PEZZULLI very year, Texas Parks and Wildlife hosts a drawing for a chance to catch and keep giant alligator gars out of The TPWD Inland Fisheries staff ex- plained the harvest authorization drawing via email, writing that “anglers chosen would receive a non-transferable harvest authoriza- tion to harvest one alligator gar from the date of issuance through August 31, 2023.” The au- thorization could be used day or night, and alligator gar could be taken by any legal means, including archery equipment. These prehistoric monster fish have be- come a popular catch over the years for North Texas anglers, in part because of how they look and how huge they can become. “It is a thing,” said Andrew Hollien from North Texas Fishing Addicts. “There’s a few different people that fish for gar. Some do it with bow fishing, they just do it for fun … and there’s some that they just … target the big, big ones up in the Trinity. And once they catch them, they just release them back into the water.” Alligator gars are a part of the natural Texas ecosystem, and with their growing popularity among anglers, the TPWD is worried about possible overfishing. “Compared with other sport fish, alligator gar are few in number because they are near the top of the food chain,” the TPWD staff wrote. “Because they are long-lived and re- produce infrequently, alligator gar can only sustain harvest rates of about 5% each year. … If too many fish are taken, populations can quickly decline and only young, small fish will remain. Once an alligator gar population declines, it can take decades to restore.” Craig Bonds, inland fisheries director at the TPWD, said in the press release that to manage the population, it’s crucial for offi- cials to know how many are being harvested, and that the data from the app and the on- line portals allows them to better under- stand the species’ distribution, size and number. “The Trinity River is arguably the most popular fishery for exceptionally large alli- gator gar in the world,” the TPWD release said. “The harvest authorization process al- lows limited harvest opportunity while pro- tecting a majority of spawning-aged fish.” Before anyone can catch and keep one of Richard Hernandez holds an alligator gar. Photo courtesy of North Texas Fishing Addicts these whoppers, they must first enter the drawing from Sept. 1–30 using either the mobile app or by going online. Then there will be a random drawing during early Octo- ber for the 150 anglers who will be allowed to catch and keep a massive, over 48-inch di- nosaur fish. “A primary goal of TPWD’s alligator gar management is to maintain or improve our populations in Texas,” continued the TPWD staff. “In the Trinity River, this objective in- cludes retaining fishable numbers of the largest, recreationally valuable fish, which attracts anglers from across Texas, the US, and other countries.” According to the TPWD press release, anglers must have a valid fishing license and can only harvest from the Interstate 30 bridge in Dallas downstream to the I-10 bridge in Chambers County. This includes Lake Livingston and the East Fork of the Trinity River upstream to the Lake Ray Hubbard Dam. All harvests must be reported to the TPWD either through the My Texas Hunt Harvest app or online within 24 hours, and all the usual regulations on alligator gar fish- ing in the area continue to be in effect. ▼ EDUCATION VOTE DELAYED F TEXAS WILL DELAY CHANGES TO HOW SOCIAL STUDIES IS TAUGHT IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS. BY JACOB VAUGHN or months, educators in Texas have been working on revisions to teaching standards that would see a major overhaul in how social studies is taught in the state. It would be the first big change to the curriculum in about 12 years. But now, after a meeting of the State Board of Education last Tuesday, they say their efforts have been derailed by Republi- can politicians and far right groups who have spoken out throughout the process. Board members had been working with teachers and scholars for the last >> p12 MONTH XX–MONTH XX, 2014 SEPTEMBER 8-14, 2022 DALLAS OBSERVER DALLAS OBSERVER | CLASSIFIED | MUSIC | DISH | MOVIES | CULTURE | NIGHT+DAY | FEATURE | SCHUTZE | UNFAIR PARK | CONTENTS | CLASSIFIED | MUSIC | DISH | CULTURE | UNFAIR PARK | CONTENTS dallasobserver.comdallasobserver.com
