“But I don’t think [Luke] has found his thing yet, you know? He’s got it. I think it’s just him finding his voice and his place and his comfort in the world, which isn’t the eas- iest thing when you live in Prosper and your dad’s a woman,” says Upshaw, who is trans- gender. But her kids do like seeing her play shows when they can. “They think it’s cool. They like going to shows and stuff, but they’re not, like, following my footsteps or anything.” But sometimes music is just in the gene pool. Christy Ray, a notable Dallas DJ and mother of 3-year-old son Tatum, grew up with a very popular musical mom, DJ Spin- derella of Salt-N-Pepa. But Ray says her mom never once pushed her into a music career. “It was made clear very early that this is something that my mom did, and it was very cool,” she says. “But it didn’t have to define who I was, or even be what I was supposed to do with my life.” ROCKY QUESTIONS identity. For teens, their adult lives are still untouched and full of possibilities. For many parents, it can be a struggle to maintain an identity they’ve spent part of those adult years carefully creating and nourishing. And it can be scary. “That was a fear of mine. Like, how was I P gonna be this hot club DJ and also be this lactating mom?” Ray says. “I’ve noticed that since I’ve become a mom, my gigs have defi- nitely become a mom as well.” Since moth- erhood began for her, Ray says, she plays less “clubby” sets into the early morning hours and more daytime and early evening ones, like at hotel lounges, members-only clubs and private parties. Ray spends weekdays at home with Ta- tum and has continued her DJ career on the weekends when he is at his father’s house. It’s a schedule she says she’s blessed with “because not a lot of women can have that.” Still, she’s had her share of hard times since becoming a mom in 2019. Ray says that finding herself again during the postpartum period was a major hurdle. “It did add to the postpartum depression, just being like ‘OK, what do I do now? He’s here, who am I?’ And I feel like the last time I asked myself [this question] I was like, 14. Like, a kid,” she says. “So here I am, again, kind of back in this. I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing.” Weaver has a similar experience as a mom: “It’s taken a toll, you know, but it’s re- ally important to be able to have this outlet. And as a parent, you feel like your existence kind of disappears.” Although she knew she’d have to fight to maintain her musical identity after having her kids, Weaver says: “I just never wanted to be a mom [who] was so obsessed with my kids that I lost myself.” Studies show that postpartum depression and anxiety affect up to one in seven new moms. Lump that into an already chaotic time of constant monitoring and overnight feeding sessions with a baby and the mainte- nance of self identity can seem impossible, if not a luxury. arenthood is a lot like living in the teenage years in that both are times that require finding some sense of “Having a baby is, like, as beautiful as it is, it is a trauma. And I feel like people maybe don’t understand that,” Ray says. “ And I think that’s because we’re being told how we should feel about it all the time.” PANDEMIC BABIES And many of those babies, some of whom are already into their toddler years, will es- pecially wonder how their “nonessential worker” parents made it work. Fleming, who found out he would be a dad I about two weeks into COVID-19 dominating the news cycle, is one of those parents who wasn’t sure how his music would survive. He says of the time: “I am a nonessential worker who’s about to be a dad. I spent most of my life pursuing music. I didn’t know if I was gonna come back or not.” But when Ruby was born, he says, “ev- erything kind of stopped feeling like the end of the world and more of like, maybe just a new, better chapter.” And out of this better chapter came one of Fleming’s new- est favorite memories. Last October, his daughter saw him on stage for the first time, performing with his band. He played a song he wrote for her called “The Light- house.” “That made me feel good as a dad,” Flem- ing says. But it may take a few more shows for the 17-month-old to really understand what’s going on. “She doesn’t recognize ‘stage dad.’ ‘At-home dad’ is always in sweatpants and tank tops. Stage dad has hats and bandanas and jackets, yelling into a metal thing.” CODA hours to begin a career, to spending days, weeks and months on the road earning a liv- ing — there are lessons learned along the way to ease the guilt and make the process a little easier. It took a lot of patience and self discov- D ery for Weaver to get this far in her career, and she says what has helped the most is giving herself grace when things don’t hap- pen right away: “Remind yourself that you’re in a phase, and just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean you have to give up your identity.” Ray agrees with the sentiment, adding that her son has, despite her predictions in those early days of motherhood, actually helped her achieve a lot creatively. “I don’t know if I would’ve been able to accomplish [as much] as the woman I was before. So there’s a strength here that I didn’t have be- fore and just a general confidence in who I am,” she says. “And I think a lot of that has to do with [Tatum].” Chandler still has a hard time reckoning his career choice as it relates to his chil- dren. But, he says, through personal growth, he’s come to accept it as part of his life, “the vagabond life of a musician,” as he puts it. And he hopes one day Nico and Harper understand the sacrifices they’ve made with a parent in the music business because, Chandler says, “a world without music is hardly a world worth living in.” espite the hardships common to parents who play music — from making time during the sleeping n about 20 years, a generation of “pan- demic babies” will look back and won- der how their parents made it work. UPCOMING SHOWS 214-350-1904 11AM TO CLOSE WEDNESDAY-SUNDAY 10261 Technology Blvd E, Dallas, TX CHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE FOR THE MOST UP-TO-DATE INFO! www.amplified-live.com @AMPLIVETX @AMPLIVETX @AMPLIFIEDLIVETX 19 19 dallasobserver.com dallasobserver.com CLASSIFIED | MUSIC | DISH | CULTURE | UNFAIR PARK | CONTENTS | CONTENTS | UNFAIR PARK | SCHUTZE | FEATURE | NIGHT+DAY | CULTURE | MOVIES | DISH | MUSIC | CLASSIFIED | DALLAS OBSERVER DALLAS OBSERVER APRIL 28–MAY 4, 2022 MONTH XX–MONTH XX, 2014
