8 February 26 - March 4, 2026 dallasobserver.com DALLAS OBSERVER Classified | MusiC | dish | Culture | unfair Park | Contents Everyone is Thirstier in Texas Texans spent nearly a quarter billion dollars on OnlyFans content last year, and Dallas fluffed the numbers. BY PRESTON BARTA I n some cases, you’d probably have to subscribe for $9.99 to find out if every- thing is truly bigger in Texas. But new data does seem to confirm that every- one is thirstier in Texas. According to a study released by OnlyGuider, the Lone Star State might need to be rebranded as the Lust Star State. While we were all busy complaining about the grid, the traffic on I-35 and the price of brisket, Texans were quietly (or perhaps not so qui- etly) funneling a staggering $248 million into OnlyFans creators in 2025. That’s a quarter of a billion dollars dropped on exclusive content, pay-per-view messages and the kind of personalized at- tention you just can’t get from your landlord or the DMV. This massive outpouring of digital affec- tion puts Texas in the No. 2 spot nationwide, trailing only California. It makes sense, re- ally — California has Hollywood and beaches. We have humidity and a fiercely in- dependent spirit that apparently extends to how we choose to spend our disposable in- come on a Tuesday night. Big D Stands for Big Dollars N ow, let’s get down to the local num- bers, because in a city like Dallas, bragging rights are important wher- ever money is involved. Houston, as they often do, went big. H-Town led the state in spending, dropping nearly $32 million on the platform. Whether they were recovering from another heart- break courtesy of the Astros or just really, re- ally supportive of the physical arts, Houstonians are the state’s top patrons of digital appreciation. But don’t sleep on Dallas. We might be runner-up in this particular race, but we still put up numbers that would make all of our homegrown televangelists blush. In fact, we spent more on average per-capita density than Houston did. In total, Dallas residents spent approximately $26.2 million on OnlyFans last year. Think about that for a second. That is $26.2 million not spent on oversized mar- garitas, sports tickets or toll tags. That is a serious commitment to the creator econ- omy. It’s enough to buy a home in the Park Cities, or perhaps a very, very nice two-bed- room apartment in Uptown. Why Are We So Thirsty? T he OnlyGuider study, which analyzed spending patterns throughout 2025, paints a picture of a state that is deeply engaged in the parasocial habits of modern times. But why Texas? Why now? Perhaps it’s the sheer size of the place. When you have to drive 45 minutes just to get to a Target, a digital connection starts looking mighty convenient. Or maybe it’s the heat. When it’s 105 degrees outside, stay- ing indoors with a high-speed internet con- nection and a credit card is just a good survival strategy. There’s also the possibility that Texans are just exceptionally generous. We’re known for Southern hospitality, after all. Who says that hospitality can’t extend to tipping a content creator for a particularly well-produced video? It’s shopping small and supporting entrepreneurs, really. While Houston and Dallas are the heavy hitters, the rest of the state wasn’t exactly clutching its pearls. San Antonio and Austin also posted significant numbers, contribut- ing to that massive quarter-billion-dollar to- tal. It’s a statewide phenomenon, a collective decision that maybe, just maybe, the internet is for more than just arguing about politics. The Bottom Line S o, what does this say about us? Are we lonely? Are we bored? Or are we just early adopters of the future of entertainment? Maybe it’s none of the above. Maybe it’s just that in a world that’s increasingly cha- otic, disconnected and stressful, a little bit of curated fantasy goes a long way. Texans work hard, and apparently, we play hard too — even if “playing” sometimes just means scrolling through a feed with one hand while holding a... credit card in the other. Whatever the reason, the numbers don’t lie. $250 million is a lot of love to give. So, cheers, Texas. You’re keeping the lights on for a whole lot of creators. Just remember to clear your browser history before you go to church on Sunday. ▼ CLOWNS CLOWNING AROUND A GROUP OF CLOWNS IN DENTON ISN’T JUST HONKING AROUND — THEY’RE CREATING COMMUNITY IN A DICEY POLITICAL CLIMATE. BY ALYSSA FIELDS O nce a month, the city of Denton is invaded by a troupe of novice clowns. With red noses and garish clothing, the troupe engages in true tom- foolery in the name of com- munity. Without staging performances, the Denton Clowns are a group that dons their clown apparel for nothing other than fun. The outing started when three friends saw a clown picnic in Minneapolis on so- cial media. Wanting to par- ticipate, they decided investing in checkered-print pants and big shoes was much cheaper than a flight to Minnesota, and they could stage their own clown picnic in the Denton Downtown Square. With a flyer and a dream, the three organized the event, expect- ing a low turnout. When 40 clowns unpacked from their tiny cars, the group knew they had found their unlikely calling. Since then, the group has hosted a series of monthly events at varying locations, ranging from picnics to craft nights. “There’s a real desire in DFW for clown- themed events,” says one of the organizers, Jeanette Laredo, who had never dressed as a clown before hosting the event. “We tap into a desire for clown events that aren’t perfor- mative, that aren’t a show for people.” Laredo says clowns from across the re- gion attend and bring all their tricks of the trade. Experienced clowns have led im- promptu juggling lessons, balloon sword fights break out and one time the clowns all joined together for a kazoo symphony. “We don’t have backgrounds in clown- ▼ Culture Are we supposed to support small businesses or not? Adobe Stock An informal troupe of clowns has been meeting in Denton. Courtesy of Denton Clowns
